You may want to ask me – where are the guarantees
that, if I now change my job,
I will succeed?
Start up a business?
Listen, do you have any idea how many problems
there are in business?
You want examples of how companies go broke?
No way! Get married?
What the hell are you talking about?
There are no decent guys left.
He will leave you for someone younger anyway.
You will give him your time, put your trust in him,
and then he leaves you for someone young, beautiful,
and what are you to do?
So, this fear of mistakes,
it locks us up in certain limits.
What can I do if I constantly
face this fear when
predicting my choice?
The first thing we need to understand
is that feeling fear is ok.
If you can’t feel fear, something is wrong with you.
Fear is a protective mechanism, so let’s now study
three main protectors
that will be protecting you against the
что вы будете двигаться в направлении этого дискомфорта,
discomfort and fear on your way.
The good news is that you can move forward despite your fear.
You need to move forward through the discomfort, through the fear.
And what are we moving to?
Again good news: we are, like children,
conceived beautifully. We are not facing the task
of discovering something new in ourselves.
We will now try to restore the initial settings.
So, what does the fear of mistakes mean, where did
it come from, and why do we have to force our way
through it all the time?
I can’t remember it has been there before.
One of my teachers gave me a simple example.
She said: Pavel, your job is to find
a balance between the inner and the outer motivation.
What is it about? In our childhood
we always want to get a "small apple",
the so-called first impulse.
A huge number of people live by superficial pleasures.
Small kids, if they want to eat
something, they reach out like this - yum! - and eat it.
And if they don’t get it, they start to cry like this: aah!
With your small simple actions, every time
you want to move forward,
you can either get a superficial pleasure,
for example, eat a chocolate,
or you can get a deeper pleasure.
How? By not eating a chocolate.
And what is behind this desire not to eat a chocolate?
This is often called the outer motivation.
They say I cannot.
I cannot eat chocolates in the evening, because I need to lose weight.
And suddenly it turns out that we are living
in a strange zone between the inner and —
– kind of outer motivation.
What is it about?
I kind of like chocolates, but I'm on a diet,
and so I cannot eat after six.
Here comes the question: I cannot or I do not want?
It turns out, in fact, that behind every outer motivation,
behind every major task you are working on,
there is the inner one.
So, the first important part in this module,
note: there is no outer motivation,
the outer motivation is the inner one but with a deferred effect.
Once again.
The outer motivation does not exist —
there are no "must", "have to", "should".
Attention, I'm taking this yummy from you now.
You know, it's no longer possible to shift the responsibility for your choice somewhere outside.
Who applied for the job you hate now?
Who came with a resume and asked:
accept me, please.
Who submitted the documents to the bank and asked for this mortgage?
Who came to the gym and said: please, teach me
how to make my body look good?
I want to get married and I want my husband
to weigh more than I do.
So I have two options: either he
should get super fat, huge, or
I need to lose weight.
But for this I have to go to the gym,
not have chocolates after six pm, and so on.
So, there is no such a thing as the outer motivation,
it's the inner one but with a deferred effect.
There is a beautiful experiment:
a child is offered one candy
now or two candies in an hour.
This ability to get a deferred pleasure
in many ways determines the child's success in life.
If you are able to make some efforts
now to enjoy something a little later,
this will allow you to get the "big apple",
to achieve great success in life, reach something serious.
And the search for the predestination is, believe me, a very serious thing.
And on the way to this "big apple",
to these big tasks, a very unpleasant thing arises –
fear of making a mistake
and coming to the wrong address.
So, basing on this idea,
this concept, our work
is to find a balance
between the inner and the outer motivation.
If we live only by our inner,
small desires, we will always get a
very short and superficial pleasure.
If we want something big
and we concentrate
on it, this "big apple", and then we forget
why we chose this job,
this mortgage,
this partner, this partner,
why it is my responsibility and I chose it,
then this effect is called “burnout”.
And people forget that it was their mindful choice.
And so they keep running in small circles,
forgetting that, in fact, it was their own choice.
So, at this very moment we lose contact
with our daily activities
and we lose it at school.
We focus on outer motivations.
As one of my friends scientists said:
"Pavel, school takes away from
us by force the things that we would
otherwise give it with love."
It seems to be a huge task,
a "big apple" - to get an education,
to become an educated person.
It seems so fine: you have to go to school,
you have to do homework.
And here the red pen appears again.
I remember when I first came to school,
I wanted to study,
I was in a great mood, I thought: I know this,
and I wrote a beautiful letter, aah!
But instead of praising and encouraging
me for what I did well, the teacher took my
homework to check and marked my mistakes with a red pen.
This negative experience
at some point blocked
my sincere desire to learn.
We will soon call it the cult of mistake,
developing discomfort.
Children are always very enthusiastic about learning new things,
“cognitive incentive”. What does "cognitive incentive" mean?
Platon, my son, he is two now.
When I put him at the table to feed him and he is eating,
if I don’t give him any object to study, can
you imagine what will happen?
How much time do you think I have?
Just a few seconds.
He will say immediately: let me study something.
We have the most beautiful cognitive incentive granted by nature,
but school destroys it with a red pen,
just like it murders the
genius or gives us
the fear of making mistakes.
And now we are afraid to move in the direction of "big apples".
So, in this module we will learn how to deal with this problem,
how to force our way through the fear of mistakes,
how to eliminate this inner red pen
and the barriers we come across on our way.
I will give you some examples of very strong people,
which demonstrate that one shouldn’t
be afraid of making mistakes.
Let’s turn to the examples.
