Here's an exercise that was developed by Gabriele Oettingen,
and her husband Peter Gollwitzer at New York University,
and I'd like to work it as well.
Kids make a goal,
but instead of saying, "Oh, yeah. Make a goal."
Because goal is like not a fun word.
You say, "Make a wish," right?
Make a wish for today.
You're a student.
What's a study wish?
Kids wrote in whatever they want.
Like, "I wish that I could understand math class today" right?
"I wish that I would get a better grade in history," and then he said,
"What would be the best outcome?
How would you feel? What would happen if your wish came true?"
They didn't really say what we wanted them to say.
We want them to say something like,
"I will understand mathematics,
and it will enable me to have a better life."
They were like, "When you're in trouble,
my mom would get on the back."
Like, they can just say things like,
"I don't know, I just feel better, right?"
So, that's the outcome.
Then, we had them tell us what the obstacle was.
So, I said," Okay, that's a positive future,
but what's the negative reality?
What stands in the way?
What is it in yout hat is,
something that's a barrier to this wish coming true?"
It is important that we use that language when we train them to do this because very
often kids will say long list of things that are not in them like,
"Math teacher sucks, this school sucks, math sucks.
I'm not coming from a math family."
Then, you're like, "Okay. I hear you.
I'm not disagreeing with you,
but is there any obstacle in you?"
They'll say, "Well, I guess I could do my homework.
I could go for extra help.
I guess I could pay attention while I'm in class."
So, these obstacles, we direct them to think about obstacles that are within them,
and then they just make a plan.
I am going to tell you right now, how to make it a to-do list.
We all make it through. Raise up your hand if you have a to-do list.
Now, keep your hand up if you make to-do list that have verbs in them.
Because every time I make a to-do list,
it's not like grant proposals.
I need a verb, grant proposals and nouns.
It's got to be revised grant proposal.
It can't just be like message tube,
it has to be email this person, call this person.
So, we need kids to put an action verb into their to-do list.
So, your plan has to have a verb,
and an action verb: jump, walk, open, write.
Then, we ask them to locate it in time and space.
If it is seventh period,
and I'm on the third floor,
then I'm going to see Mr.
Commits to talk to him about my grade.
If it is three o'clock and the bell rings,
then I am going to remember to bring my history book home.
Action verb, when and where.
It can also work if you use a trigger queue.
If Julia pokes me in the back with a ruler,
then I will tell the teacher that, she's bothering.
When you do this exercise,
which you can do with a client,
you do with pretty much any aged person who can read this piece of paper,
you'll find that when you get to the obstacle and the planning,
there's going to be a pause,
because you're going to say,
"What's the obstacle in you?"
Then, I'm not going to say anything for a few seconds,
and that's how you know it's working because they are thinking
about something they would not have thought of if you hadn't prompted them to.
Then, when you get into this plan part and they're like,
then you know it's working,
because that's what you need to do advance: figure out what strategy you're going to use.
If the waiter says,
"Would you like dessert?"
Then I will say,
"Please take away the dessert menu," et cetera. Yes.
Can I ask a clarifying question?
So, in the last two examples,
you gave the obstacle was the other person.
Yes.
So, the action was the waiter asking you,
or someone poking you?
Yes.
So, would it be that the obstacle is,
if I want to poke Julia back,
or if I want dessert?
You can do that too. Yeah, I'm going too far.
If I really want dessert then,
if I really want to poke her back then?
Does the obstacle have to be the same thing as the one you wrote about?
Yes. I mean ideally was this way.
When it gets down to it,
sometimes, you get the obstacles like,
I don't have time, and then instead of saying,
if I don't have time you can just say, "Okay.
If it's seven o'clock,
and-" so there's a little bit of flexibility there.
Thanks.
Yeah. Okay let's look at data from a random assignment,
placebo-controlled, longitudinal field study.
Half of the fifth graders in this study learned this technique,
which we called Mental Contrasting and Implementation Intentions,
I know, it's very sexy, also known as whoops.
[inaudible] This is the Placebo Control group which who only fantasize about this.
So, what they do is they made wishes,
and they said something positive,
and they said something again positive.
Their if-then plan was,
if it comes true,
then I'll feel great.
So, that's the control group.
Then, we'll look at their GPA conduct.
These are teacher ratings of
classroom conduct or teachers who are blind to the condition,
and at school records of attendance over the next semester.
What we found is that there was
a standard deviation difference of cointensity of 0.5 between these two conditions.
So, 0.5, what size?
Moderate.
Moderate medium size, 0.5.
So, I believe that William James' premonition about this,
his intuition 100 years ago was right,
which is that character is a habit.
Not all habits are bad.
Our virtues are habits as much as our vices.
Our nervous systems have grown to the way in which they have been exercised,
just as a sheet of paper once creased or folded
tends to fall forever afterward into the same identical folds.
When you make these if-then plans,
you do them over and over and over again,
suddenly, you have an exercise habit.
Suddenly, you have a healthy fruit eating habit.
Suddenly, you have a habit of asking people whether you can get
some coffee when you go to Starbucks before class.
Suddenly, all these strategies that seem like a lot to remember,
and that you might need to write them down become auto-pilot.
That's exactly what we find in our data.
So, we find, for example,
that self-controlled individuals tend to have better habits.
They do things the same place,
the same that they're creatures of ritual.
That, in fact, actually partially mediates at least,
maybe it's not fully explained everything but it's explaining a lot
of why is self-controlled people do better in life.
So, in some, I believe Freud had something going on there.
When he said that, what we need to do across
the life course is increasingly be in control.
When we are in conflict with ourselves,
let us choose the thing that is better for ourselves and for others.
There are many ways that we can do that other than using sheer willpower.
We have a whole variety of hacks at our disposal.
Whatever hacker strategy you can get to work,
do a little planning in advance.
[inaudible] be prospective, and do that over and over again,
so that eventually, those hacks or strategies become habitual. Yeah.
