4.5 Power, Balance and Giving

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En provenance du cours de University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

129 notes

University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

129 notes

This course provides an introduction to: 1. Basic concepts of The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD), their relevance for every day relationships and provide advanced concepts for participants who work in fields of social work and health care . 2. Basic practice principles and methods of SSLD, illustrated by relationship management case studies. 3. The SSLD framework for relationship management assessment; N3C (needs, circumstances, characteristics, capacity) and problem translation. 4. Core competencies in the relationship management application of the SSLD system: Observation learning, simulation, real life implementation, review and monitoring.

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Module 4 - Building Relationships that Work for You

This module addresses relationship building based on communication, reception, and expression skills learned in Module 3. Additional topics on relationship problems will also be discussed.

Overview of Module 40:50

4.1 Social Exchange Theory and Beyond4:51

4.2 Value Reconsidered4:32

4.3 The 6 Domains of Our Lifeworld5:46

4.4 The Issue of Power4:44

4.5 Power, Balance and Giving4:00

Rencontrer les enseignants

A. Ka Tat Tsang
Founder of the SSLD System; Professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Social Work in the Global Community
Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work

Okay, so relationships are complex and

the whole idea of one person intrinsically having more power than the other.

You're ultimately saying that's not a given.

So with this in mind, is there a way for

a relationship to be totally equitable and reciprocal in terms of power?

>> I have to be very careful here, like if I say that we don't have to be

like always fair and relationships do not have to be equitable,

I can probably get myself into deep trouble, right?

[LAUGH] So I have to be very careful here.

Well obviously, we do not want to see any relationship turning into

something that is oppressive.

That is exploitative.

That is grossly unfair for one or both of the participants.

But having said that, we have to understand that like

the whole concept of fairness and equity probably needs

some kind of like careful, critical, re-thinking, you know.

In the relationship, like very often,

ideal relationships would have this element of love.

And this element of love, according to my own understanding,

can very often entail one party making certain sacrifices, so to speak.

Imagine like a mother waking up like 3 AM in the morning to a crying baby,

all right?

Then, the mother will, obviously,

be forgoing some of her own needs, like the need for rest.

like may have something important to deal with in the morning or whatever.

But then in an ideal situation,

the mother will actually feel good after pacifying a baby.

And then, the baby is not crying again and she then goes back to sleep.

So in this particular act, the mother gives and the baby receives.

But then maybe the mother derives a bigger sense of satisfaction than the baby,

we don't know, all right?

I cannot be sure.

But that's just how it may work.

And then when we look at any like ideal loving relationship.

That's what we hope will happen.

And people are not calculating like I've given this much and you have not.

Like put in your fair share.

And I've done so much for you and you don't really care for me.

We hear that a lot when couples are fighting and to me, when people

start operating in this mode, something is already missing in the relationship.

But of course, I'm also aware that

there are like people who are involved in relationships that are abusive,

that are exploitative.

Like one person is always expected to give to the extent that the person is damaged.

That person's personal space and freedom and autonomy are all compromised.

And there is like one person who is constantly demanding for his or her needs to be met.

That, of course, is problematic as well, right?

But I think in an ideal relationship, people should be fully autonomous,

and they actually should be able to derive pleasure and

satisfaction through the act of giving.

And if you for some reason are not able to do that, or

you're not either when you're giving, not because you want to but

you're made to or you do not experience fulfillment from your giving.

Then, I think it is probably time for you to be re-examining the relationship.

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