Everyday Parenting gives you access to a toolkit of behavior-change techniques that will make your typical day in the home easier as you develop the behaviors you would like to see in your child. The lessons provide step-by-step instructions and demonstrations to improve your course of action with both children and adolescents. Among many techniques, you will learn how even simple modifications to tone of voice and phrasing can lead to more compliance. The course will also shed light on many parenting misconceptions and ineffective strategies that are routinely used. The key to the course is practice. It is not enough to know the strategies; you have to do them to reap the rewards. Using the techniques on a temporary basis will lead to permanent change. Chances are your parenting is perfectly fine and working the way you would like. But if you have any frustrations with your child or would like improve your effectiveness in changing your child’s behavior, these videos will be a very useful guide. Subtitles available in Chinese and Spanish.
Shaping
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En provenance du cours de Yale University
Everyday Parenting: The ABCs of Child Rearing
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The ABCs : Part 1 - Antecedents & Behaviors
Module 1 overviews the course structure and outlines the ABC formula for behavior-change programs. The “A” in the ABC stands for Antecedents and covers what to do before the behavior. The “B” represents Behavior and outlines working on the behavior itself - how to shape behavior by breaking it down into doable steps, practice the behavior repeatedly through simulations, and model the behavior. The course kicks off with a “C” (Consequence) because learning how to praise your child in the special way may be the most useful and versatile technique in the series.
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Alan E. Kazdin, PhD, ABPPSterling Professor of Psychology and Child Psychiatry
Department of Psychology
I have mentioned that the approach we are using has
three main parts and they all work together to develop behavior.
One part is called antecedents and refers
to what we can do before behavior to make it occur.
Another part is the behavior itself
and what one does to get exactly the behavior you wish.
The third part is the consequences or what we do after the behavior is completed.
These are conveniently called A antecedents, B behaviors,
and C consequences and easily remembered as the ABCs.
In this video, we are taking up the behavior, the B part.
And the guiding question of the tool we are discussing is,
how can we get the behavior of the child that we would like to see.
For example, you may want your child to be nice to his sister,
or to eat vegetables once in a while,
or to listen to you and actually do what you ask.
But these never seem to occur or,
at least, do not occur as often as you would like.
If you find yourself nagging your child about something,
this is a good sign that the behavior you want is not occurring enough.
So how does one get behavior?
Well, there are two excellent procedures.
One of them is called shaping and that is the topic of this video.
The other is called simulation and is the topic of a separate video.
So what is shaping?
Shaping consists of rewarding small steps that
approximate or begin to resemble the final behavior you wish.
So, if you want your child to do an hour of homework,
we can usually get that by shaping.
But it means we build the time gradually,
maybe 10 minutes of homework at first.
Then, when that is consistent,
perhaps four out of five days,
we can move on to a longer period.
So shaping is a systematic way to start out
small and reward more and more time
with the behavior like in the example of doing homework.
Now, if you've ever played a musical instrument,
you will be able to see shaping at work.
We want someone to play songs or other pieces of music but we do not start there.
We start with learning how to play notes on the instrument,
then some small units like scales, and so on.
Songs are the goal but we usually do not start there.
Or if we do start with songs,
these are extremely simple in the beginning.
In everyday life we do not use shaping automatically.
There are two exceptions, when a toddler is starting
to talk and mumble some word that begins with M,
mmm, mom G. The parent may show great praise and say,
Sarah just said mommy.
Sarah didn't say mommy but Sarah approximated mommy with
the M and we praise instances of that as it gets closer and closer to say mommy.
The same kind of shaping occurs when a toddler starts to walk.
The child stands up,
moves forward one step, and falls.
We say, look Matt is walking.
But Matt's not walking.
He's just starting out.
So you smile. You show great praise.
And these initial steps aren't quite
walking but they develop into behavior that is walking.
Now, these are okay examples.
But they're not that great.
Because talking and walking have
their own rewards and they'll develop whether we praise them or not.
For changing other behaviors,
we may have more difficulty.
Many parents might just nag the child and complain that she does not do her homework.
Nagging frustrates everyone and does not change behavior.
You want the child to clear all the dishes from the dinner table.
You ask, that doesn't work.
You nag, that doesn't help.
And maybe you shout and that helps but you got it just once.
Shaping can help and replace all of those less effective ways of getting the behavior.
First, gently instruct rather than tell
your child to clear his plate and put that plate in the sink.
At the beginning of shaping, we start small.
Just clear your plate.
Praise that effusively.
Do this for a couple of days.
And then ask him to clear one or two more items from the table and continue this.
Now, if you look at the video and at the scenes,
you'll see we can add a challenge to this.
And say, something like that will really help the shaping.
You could say, I bet you can't clear your plate and mine.
The tone of voice, the playful style will really help here.
If the child would not even do that first step, that's not a problem.
You go to your child and you say,
here let me help you,
let's do this together.
Do that and be helpful, not angry.
In a day or two, the child will do it by himself without you.
But just to start shaping,
it is fine to help if needed.
Now, my example, is getting the child to clear dishes from the table.
In the big scheme of how our children are developing,
we don't care very much about table setting or clearing.
But you probably do care about the child listening to you and not defying what you ask.
And working on a task such as table setting can help that.
Because when you develop listening to you or being compliant in one place,
it carries over to other places.
So, here's another example where we focus on being a good listener more directly.
You feel your child doesn't listen to you and do what you ask and are frustrated.
Shaping can really help.
Praise your child for being a good listener for the easy requests.
Maybe ask your child to come over to dinner,
or to come over for a hug,
or to come over and do something fun.
Anything that has no tension or struggle associated with it.
Then give the special praise we've talked about.
Great, you came over when I asked.
And now, touch the child affectionately.
This will increase the likelihood of listening to you at other times.
Repeated practice is always the key.
So do this for a while.
Maybe a week or so.
Praise the child for being a good listener for these easy requests.
Then extend the praise to instances that'd be more difficult.
Gradually, your child will be much more compliant for those more difficult instances.
This will spread to other situations where you have not used the praise.
So shaping can be used to get more of some behavior.
You want more clothing picked up from the floor? Start with a few.
Shaping is good for more time in doing some behavior,
working on homework, or practicing a musical instrument.
Start with a few minutes and build up.
And shaping is good for less time in doing behaviors.
Less time in getting ready for bed,
less time in getting ready for school in the morning.
Start out with a lot of time and cut it back through shaping.
So the key ingredients of shaping are five separate ingredients.
One, specify the behavior you would like.
This is the final or goal behavior.
Two, specify a small step,
just an initial portion.
Three, choose the consequence you will use. I recommend praise.
Some parents like points.
Now, praise instances of those small occurrences whenever you see them.
And finally, five, when these instances occur consistently,
maybe after a few days,
make the requirement slightly more stringent but just a little bit.
So, here is a practice exercise in case you want to try this at home.
And we can use the five ingredients.
First, what is the behavior that will be your goal.
Write this down to make it very clear and concrete.
You might say, I would like my child to eat a small portion of vegetables at
dinner or I would like my child not to have tantrums at the grocery store.
Second, now I select a very small version of that,
a very beginning an early step toward that goal and write that down too.
For the vegetables, it might be just putting
a spoon with vegetables to his lips and actually not eating them.
Believe it or not, that can lead to eating the full portion of vegetables.
For getting dressed by himself?
Maybe just putting on one piece of clothing by himself.
Three, what will be the consequence?
Now I suggest the special praise.
But some parents want to use points or a privilege.
Whatever the reward, it should be something immediate.
Now, a separate video on praise mentioned that praise is
really effective when it is very enthusiastic,
it specifies what's being praised,
and is followed by an affectionate touch.
The fourth step, now praise that small step whenever you see it.
And if you did not see that small step,
make the step even smaller or help the child do the first step.
And finally, after some consistency, step five.
Add a little bit more to move toward the final goal.
Why do I need to do the shaping business at all?
My child knows how to do the behavior.
Well, I've mentioned this in other videos that knowing has very little relation to doing.
This is a huge source of frustration for all of us.
Our children may know what to do but still do not do the behavior.
In psychology, that is called normal.
Most adults know how to engage in healthy behaviors.
Most adults know all about diet and exercise but they don't do that.
Most people know that texting and talking on
the phone while driving greatly increases the likelihood of a car accident.
And we still do it. And most people know the hazards of cigarette smoking and so on.
So try not to be too frustrated when your child knows but does not do.
Children, adolescents, and adults usually behave in that same way.
An example may be more dear to you,
your spouse or partner knows you do not like some annoying habit after all these years.
But that person does it anyway.
Remember? What is that called?
Yes, it's called normal.
You could use shaping with your spouse or partner.
But this is a different set of videos,
we're working on parenting and child behavior.
Another question that comes up,
what if my child does not even do the first step in shaping.
Well, make the steps smaller.
Ask for less behavior.
And, as I mentioned,
providing a little help in the beginning is
fine if it helps get the first behavior to occur.
Just, say, in a matter of fact way, here let me help.
Or, let's do this together.
And if that is still a problem,
that you can't get the behavior,
take a look at the separate video on simulation.
Two cautionary notes, shaping fails
mostly because parents set the bar too high in the beginning.
If you demand too much behavior,
you want to get that hour of homework and you say,
well, maybe I'll start with 45 minutes.
No, start smaller, much smaller, and build it up.
If you start with 45, chances are you'll get nothing.
We can reach the final goal, not a problem.
But it usually has to be done gradually.
Parents, sometimes, have difficulty with that and mostly
because they feel the child knows what to do, but isn't doing it.
We've discussed that already.
Try not to be too frustrated.
Knowing does not build habits.
But doing does.
A second caution I call slippery slope thinking.
In shaping it is fine, and even helpful,
to assist your child with the first few steps in shaping.
You could sit with the child and help with the first few minutes of homework.
Maybe just five minutes and the child does the other five by herself.
You can help like that on a few occasions.
Parents often have slippery slope thinking if I have to help now,
I'll always have to help.
If the child can't work on his own now, he'll never be able to work.
No. It turns out just the opposite is true.
You help a little bit, you don't have to help anymore.
Try shaping behaviors that,
otherwise, will not occur can be attained by this gradual approach.
Remember each video discusses a tool to change behavior.
But more than one tool can be used to make the changes you want.
Shaping is one way to develop the behavior
and that is not to be performed just the way you want.
Praise the steps along the way.
You can use other rewards, points, or privileges.
Praise will do fine.
As always, the magic is not in the rewards but getting the behavior you wish,
or small portions, to be practiced repeatedly.
Repeated practice builds habits.
Changes the brains.
Our tools are not for a temporary fix.
They are temporary procedures to use for a little while but
the behaviors of the child continue after you stop.
We will have more videos and more tools for you in the coming days.
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